just come out here and I will go home with you...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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