just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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