I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
