I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
