i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
