can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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