So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
