this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
sex in a hospital.. check
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
