so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
