Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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