woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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