i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize