He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
