They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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