I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
