So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize