Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
