And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
