Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
