Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
