She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
