I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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