My hair reeks of homosexuality.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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