dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
