i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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