I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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