Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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