I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
