just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
as a side note pls kill me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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