it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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