You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
