I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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