pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
