First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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