Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
