Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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