I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
