Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
