yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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