What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
