There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
