my phone needs a breathalizer
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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