just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
