your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
