i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
