no, he came in my armpit
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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