this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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