I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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