I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
