Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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