I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
