My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
