mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
false alarm, still single
Randomize
