Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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