girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
