theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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