My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize