Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
