Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
