Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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