drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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