her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
