soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
