Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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