dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
