omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
