I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
