Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
