My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
