u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
