It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
