Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I stole a fireplace last night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
