the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
