my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
