I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize