i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
