I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
